Most years, the personnel of BEEFUS gather on a special nite. They load three vans with gear and recording equipment. They trundle down to the studios at WORT FM, and they spend three or more hours setting up in the record room. Tardmar performs Persian calculus. Lizardus pontificates the meaning of the spin cycle. Braniac births small stones from his neck womb. Meatslayer's hair catches fire as he connects plugs and sets levels; he takes a papaya tablet to calm his boiling insides. Then the moment arrives, and BEEFUS performs their carefully rehearsed Holiday Special live and in person.
One terrible year, that of Two Thousand And Twenty, the plague of Assholotosis blew down from the hills. Humans were forbidden to drench each other in moist exhalations. Foodmanity pondered one terrible question: what would BEEFUS do for a live Holiday Broadcast? They could not gather in a human brood clutch!
Here is the answer, humans! Welcome to the landing page for the BEEFUS Not So Live Holiday Xtra Special Xmas Special. Here you will find links to all things Xmas. It is not ideal, but this year's Special is XXXtra brown and runny. We hope you enjoy and get a good snoot-full of SANTA CAN'T!
Method One (southern Wisconsin only): Shortly before Ten PM on Thursday, December 17th, tune your RADIO to this station: 89.9 FM WORT. There you will hear Madison's curated gallery of weird and wonderful sounds PSYCHOACOUSTICS hosted by the suave and expurt hosts REV VELVETEEN SLY and BAD SISTER HEIDI OLSON. At the hour of TEN PM, these weird sisters of the night will launch SANTA CAN'T on pre-recorded media, that you may enjoy the broadcast debut!
Method Two (outside WI): At the same hour, direct your Inter Net device to the link below There you may listen via underground cables and blistering satellite radiation link.
Below, we provide an ILLUSTRATED LIBRETTO of the entire SANTA CAN'T Holiday Special! When the musical entertainment begins, open the Visual Presentation and follow along! See your favorite jolly characters like Uncle Irving and Krinkles the Elf brought to joyous colorful life!